Help Thou my Unbelief

There is a phrase in the scriptures that I always had the hardest time understanding. In the New Testament, a father brings his son to Christ to be healed of an evil spirit. Christ tells him that all things are possible to those that believe. And then the father says (actually cries out) an interesting thing. Mark 9:24

Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief. 

I have faced many trials in my life, as all people do. But it wasn't until a recent trial caught me unawares that I fully comprehended this scripture. 

As I was faced with this trial, I went first through shock, and then I quickly turned to the Gospel. Because I had to. Because there was no other choice. I knew the only balm I could find was in God and my Savior. That much I knew. But what I didn't know (and what I'm still working on knowing because I am terrifically imperfect) was that God's will for me far exceeds what I will for myself. 

I mean, I know this in that I read it, I comprehend it, I tell other people this. I believe it. I truly do. But I don't yet believe it. It doesn't resonate in all of my soul. It doesn't give me that continual peace. It doesn't allow me consistent hope. 

Yet, I believe I will believe it one day. I believe that after I have worked through this trial, after I have come to the other end with Christ and God and find myself the victor (in whatever fashion that takes) I will truly believe it, and will come to know it. 

This reminds me of an experience in my American Christianity class at BYU. This was one of the best classes I ever took. It opened my eyes more than nearly any other class in my whole life. And one day we had a panel of Protestant Christian ministers and members come to our class to answer questions. Now, those of you who are Mormon and have ever been in a "faith versus works" discussion will likely not be surprised that this came up. Often, as Mormons, we emphasize that faith without works is dead (James 2:26, as well as verse 20). Sometimes we preach this to the point that we can over-emphasize works and devalue faith. I don't think I've ever been in one of these discussions without it coming up that "other" Christian religions believe all they have to do is say they have faith in Christ and they are good to go. Now, this isn't without precedent. Matthew 7:21

Not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 

But one thing I learned from this discussion was something a very wise girl said. When she was asked about the question, and when it was insinuated that we felt that she felt all she had to do was proclaim faith in Christ she said something along these lines. She said it wasn't that she just said she had faith in Christ. It was that it was the only thing. All she could really do was have faith in Christ. It was almost a desperate act. She was grasping for him and proclaiming faith in him because it was truly all she could do when all was said and done. 

I understand that desperation as I haven't ever before. As I faced this trial, it could have been easy for me to turn away and live in my depression and anger and frustration. But I turned to God and Christ, because it was the only thing. Oh Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. 

Alma 32:27

...even if ye can do no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.