The sunburn.

The last couple of years have been pretty crazy for me, and it's reflected in my blog. I'm trying to get back to reality and get humor back in my life. Because that's always been a big piece of me and I seem to have lost it in the post-college kerfuffle. And so I'm starting this attempt off, with a story about a sunburn. A story about the sunburn.

This past spring break (aka the second best time to be a teacher) I lucked out. The heavens rained down a blessing in the form of my best friend Amanda and I somehow having the exact same spring break as each other. This despite the fact that we teach on opposite sides of the country (me in Utah, her in Mississippi) and we both had spring breaks that were different than the schools around us. Hallelujah! Once we discovered this, we planned an epic road trip in the south with me coming to visit her.

Painfully unaware of the sunburns to come. 

And it was glorious. And I could probably write 15 hilarious blog posts about it, like the tiny bottle of complementary rum we got or the 3 in the morning knock on our hotel room door asking us where the money was. But that's beside the point. The point is, I got a sunburn. Let's backtrack.

Our original plan included a couple of days at the beach in Alabama while we stayed in a precious little cabin in a campground near(ish) the beach.

How precious is this cabin? On a scale of ladybugs to baby animals? And yes that is a swing you see on the porch.

This was a great plan, the only thing we didn't plan for was the fact that we are idiots. We both went to the beach with next to no sunscreen on. I put a minimal amount on my arms, chest, and back and then stopped there because I couldn't ever remember a time where my legs had ever sunburned. Maybe because I've always put sunscreen on them. Hindsight guys. Hindsight.

So Amanda and I lounged at the beach. And we looked adorable. The both of us.

Check out that hottie of a best friend. 

I've never looked cuter. But oh man did I pay for it. 

After a few hours of lounging/reading poetry aloud/seeing drunk college students and wondering what the heck the appeal of drunken spring break is (another side note, did you know there is such thing as a G-string fanny pack? Because that is definitely a thing we saw), I started to think 'I might be a little sunburned'. I didn't actually look sunburned, but I started noticing when I put my finger on my leg, I could see the white outline of the finger for a few seconds after removing it. I mentioned this to Amanda. She assured me I was fine, I didn't look sunburned. Spoiler alert: she was wrong.

We eventually packed up from the beach and started looking for a good seafood place, still unaware of the burns boiling in our bodies. At some point, my legs started to hurt a bit and I realized I did have a little burn. My legs were also starting to firmly protest to my wearing of jeggings (my staple leg wear) in the form of feeling slightly like they were on fire. So Amanda and I decided to turn back to a Target to get me some shorts.

Now the first step to trying on shorts is taking off your pants. And when I took off my pants, what did I see? My two lovely legs covered in a color somewhat akin to a mid-life crisis sports car.

What a lovely color, I think I'd like my legs to look just like it. 

It's funny, as soon as I realized how red my legs were, the pain became exponentially worse. And I quickly realized that even wearing shorts would be painful. Sadly, walking around with no pants wouldn't work for me (although I'd fit right in with those college kids), mostly just because I hadn't shaved in some time. (And I soon realized that I would not be able to shave again for even longer, holy smokes guys.)

I eventually picked out a nice maxi skirt, we picked up some aloe (as Amanda's sunburn was starting to set in as well) and off we went to our seafood dinner. 

I had insisted on finding a seafood place because I always thought I didn't like it until I had it fresh on the coast of the Adriatic Sea (did you catch my slight international travel bragging?) and since then when I'm on a coast I like to go for it. Amanda found this lovely place and we had an even lovelier waiter and we got a nice platter to share. This food was so good, but you see, the sun sickness was setting in. NO. So even though I hadn't eaten a meal in quite some time, this was my plate after I finished.

I took at least one bite out of everything, and then sat back and hated my life. 

I wasn't necessarily nauseous per se, which was a big fat blessing considering my phobia of vomiting. But I definitely didn't want any food. In fact, after dinner we had gotten s'more supplies for our little campsite, I attempted (and failed) to eat one s'more. I made it through maybe three small bites. (That campfire, by the way, is a pretty hilarious story in and of itself. I blame it on the fact that I only attended one full girls camp that Amanda and I needed serious help from our neighbors to get that sucker going. Even with matches.)

The next fun symptom was shivering, by the time we got back to the cabin I was freezing my buns off but I also didn't like anything to be touching my skin. Slight problem. I solved this by finding a good position in my bed and not. moving. at. all. under the covers. 

And the very best part came the next morning, after (very painfully) trying to walk to the bathroom near our cabin I had to quickly come back to the cabin for a few reasons. 

1. Blinding pain
2. A wave of nausea and a few telltale signs that vomit was forthcoming (NO) (also ps, I didn't throw up, thank the heavens)
3. You know those black dots you get when you stand up too fast? Well I had a bazillion of them and they wouldn't leave. In fact, they only left after I was sitting for a good five minutes. 

After a quick Google search that told me that I should most def seek emergency care Amanda and I drove back to her house where we both laid on the comfort of her cold, cement flooring. 

All in all, I learned a lot of things here. 

1. Wear sunscreen
2. Sun sickness is real
3. Wear sunscreen
4. Your legs WILL burn even if you don't remember them ever burning before
5. Wear sunscreen
6. Sunburns give you cankles
7. Wear sunscreen
8. Bad sunburns turn your legs purple and make you look like a dinosaur in the affected area for months
9. Wear sunscreen
10. You can't shave sunburned legs and when your sunburn is really bad, your legs won't look normal for months
11. And most importantly, when you're a white girl who rarely spends time outside because you're a weirdie and then you spend spring break much closer to the equator than you usually are, and are laying on a beach for a few hours...WEAR SUNSCREEN.